"Hotter than a goats butt in a pepper patch."

Have you ever read that Redneck Joke Book?
It's freaking hysterical.
Maybe it's delirium from the heat... But I think it's just THAT funny.
It has been about 172 degrees for the past 4 weeks.
I mean you can't do anything without sweating buckets of water.
I wake up with a headache and wonder why... ummm yeah it's because it's hotter than a goats butt in a pepper patch.
(Yeah, that's a redneck joke.)

Poor Gemma hates it.
And she doesn't drink water.
She must just have raging headaches.

The only thing you want to do is take a cold shower and you CAN'T because the pipes in Houston are filled with boiling water.
The only thing I want to eat is something cool and refreshing so I made GAZPACHO for the first time. It was just that, COOL AND REFRESHING.
From the gazpacho base I also made some homemade ceviche. It SO SO SO yummy.

So I think it's a pretty great rule:
When unsure, go to ALTON BROWN

I can't think of a time that this rule didn't prove to be successful. The man is great for clean classic recipes. From there I like to add my own twist and the recipe always turns out on point.
I used him for the Soft Pretzel recipe.. SO BOSS.
I used him for croissant instructions. FLAKY HEAVINGLY GOD LIKE PASTRY.
I used him for DOUGHNUTS. I was happier than a cop.

Gazpacho

Alton Brown

Ingredients

• 1 1/2 pounds vine-ripened tomatoes, peeled, seeded and chopped
• Tomato juice
• 1 cup cucumber, peeled, seeded and chopped
• 1/2 cup chopped red bell pepper
• 1/2 cup chopped red onion
• 1 small jalapeno, seeded and minced
• 1 medium garlic clove, minced
• 1/4 cup extra-virgin olive oil
• 1 lime, juiced
• 2 teaspoons balsamic vinegar
• 2 teaspoons Worcestershire sauce
• 1/2 teaspoon toasted, ground cumin
• 1 teaspoon kosher salt
• 1/4 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
• 2 tablespoons fresh basil leaves, chiffonade

Directions

Fill a 6-quart pot halfway full of water, set over high heat and bring to a boil.

Make an X with a paring knife on the bottom of the tomatoes. Drop the tomatoes into the boiling water for 15 seconds, remove and transfer to an ice bath and allow to cool until able to handle, approximately 1 minute. Remove and pat dry. Peel, core and seed the tomatoes. When seeding the tomatoes, place the seeds and pulp into a fine mesh strainer set over a bowl in order to catch the juice. Press as much of the juice through as possible and then add enough bottled tomato juice to bring the total to 1 cup.

Place the tomatoes and juice into a large mixing bowl. Add the cucumber, bell pepper, red onion, jalapeno, garlic clove, olive oil, lime juice, balsamic vinegar, Worcestershire, cumin, salt and pepper and stir to combine. Transfer 1 1/2 cups of the mixture to a blender and puree for 15 to 20 seconds on high speed. Return the pureed mixture to the bowl and stir to combine. Cover and chill for 2 hours and up to overnight. Serve with chiffonade of basil.

The only other thing you can do in this heat is go to a museum.
There is a Helmut Newton exhibit at the MFAH which I went to visit last weekend.
What an incredibly talented man with a beautiful vision.

I'm not going to lie. I went in pretty much knowing nothing about the man. I definitely didn't expect to see every other picture completely nude, but in the end after seeing all his work and knowing his story I found it very empowering to women. His vision was to empower women and the woman's body as well as take photos that are very complex and tell a story throughout the whole picture. There were a couple photographs that I starred at for 10 minutes a piece trying to find all the little details that were telling a story. One of my favorite collections he did was where he would take a fashion photo then replicate the exact same photo with the woman completely nude.



The whole exhibit was filled with stunning black and white photos and beautiful portraits. It may be too much nudity for some people but I found it quite beautiful.